Your Friend Who Likes Games

This one might be ugly, but I feel like I need to write it. Leaving the podcast behind, my ego would like to blame my new life situation as a new father. That’s a factor, but it’s way more than that. I know it, and often don’t want to admit it. I loved *doing* the podcast. Making it, talking about games and sharing passion about play experiences.. but the social part of it, I still find hard.

I maybe naively thought that starting a pod, I would find people that share that passion – titled my work Your Friend Who Likes Games because I know of little people around me that are super into playing a bunch of games. The podcast became an outreach project to see if I can meet some folks. And through the process, I can’t say I haven’t.

Though, the space feels competitive. Social media feels like a place where so many are chasing relevancy. Or holding a strong desire to be there first. And if you’re reading this and starting to get defensive, stay with me. I’m not only pointing the finger outward, but inward as well. I’m certainly not innocent of chasing the freshest game, consuming it fast all so I could have the first or early takes (my episodes on Ball x Pit, Megabonk, and Baby Steps come to mind. Sadly, especially Ball x Pit and Megabonk, those gaming experiences became fast and disposable. And I am willing to bet you can hear it in the tones of the episode – either saying what everyone else is saying, or maybe an indirectly expressed pressure I feel to say something. Some would say it’s self-imposed. I don’t completely agree.

The problem with chasing relevancy, and through many talks with my therapist on the subject, is that I can never be first. I can never be most relevant. I’m not in the industry. Other than my given key from imissmyfriends.studio to play Fishbowl early, I don’t receive game keys often. I’m not that established yet and haven’t enjoyed the pressure to be as of late. I’m not even sure if that’s really my goal. But here’s the ugly part, and dependent on your perspective, it can look one of two ways:

1. I have deep insecurity about where my place is in this space and have a practice of comparison to and jealousy of others.
2. The pace of gaming hype and consumption is something rarely anyone can keep up with and creates disposable experiences that burn bright and fast.

Like I stated in the exerpt, it’s starting to feel like Destiny 2. A realization after playing many hours of Destiny 2 with my sister, now brother-in-law, and her then-friends exposed the algorhythm.

In Destiny 2, (note, I stopped playing around 2021) I remember playing and continually hearing/seeing other players chase the meta weapon. There was always a specific weapon to get, and a way to get it. And that way was often grinding the same mission type over and over and over and over again. The chase was on and that is exactly what Bungie wanted. They wanted Destiny 2 to be your full-time job. And for many, it was (still is?).

But when the chase was over, when you finally obtain the “perfect roll” (ugh, got so tired of getting asked how my roll was), when you finally obtained the weapon… it was too late. There was already another, better weapon to chase and the one you just obtained got nerfed in the recent update. The cycle continued. Well, until I realized that I didn’t want to keep up and it wasn’t fun enough to be told to play the same mission over and over again. It then felt gross, I felt manipulated, and it was time to conclude my time with a game I more than likely spent close to 1,000 hours in.

My analogy

The video game hype space on social media and podcasting can feel this way. ‘This week, we’re talking about Hermit & Pig, oh, now we are so into Titanium Court and we couldn’t possibly describe it but we are glad we get to say that first. Wait, you haven’t played Replaced yet? Or Dosa Divas? They’re so good! And Mixtape was 1000% me in high school.’ Others already got to the new shiny weapon, used it, and now its old news. A new meta chase has begun.

Yeah, I know, this is really ugly. This is the voice of jealousy when I can’t afford the time, energy, or funding to play all of these games. I wish I could simply celebrate others that got there first. Because someone is always going to get there first. But I don’t feel that I am wrong that some folks in the space feel a sense of power and ownership when they get to say something about a game first. In the words of my therapist, “It’s good for their brand.” He’s also taught me to consider the hype vs. the experience I would have playing a game. I admittedly, and I’m sure you can tell, have a problem getting sucked into hype waves. I could use to let them pass more often. Maybe more on that later..

I never anticipated turing a video game reflection practice into a brand. I didn’t like when I started making video content, feeling like I needed to ‘sell myself.’ I now understand it’s pretty necessary to even get eyes on your practice in the social media space. On the other side of that coin, I enjoy the personal nature of a video from folks in the space. Can feel an easier connection, and feel like you’re getting to know them alongside their content. So I’m not completely against it for myself, but who cares?

With a lot people in the space playing games and expressing play experiences fast and often – it sadly feels more like a competition than a conversation. I really don’t know if that’s right. I don’t want it to be. Again, jealousy creeping in. Here’s where I think I get messed up.

My jealousy and insecurity

My jealousy can come in the form ‘I want the life you have.’ Or at least how it sounds from my perspective. From what I’ve read in mental health books, this type of comparison is ugly and not good for us. I feel like I know this, but often can’t help myself. Folks that get to play video games and review them for a living.. the thought sounds glorious but I’m sure there’s plenty of ‘the grass isn’t greener’ to be exposed – maybe it’s greener in most, but not all parts. I kid, and I say so because I’m trying more to value the life that I have, and hoping this post can help solidfy that.

If any of you have read The Midnight Library by Matt Haig (if you haven’t, spoilers in this paragraph..), the main character gets a chance to contemplate all different ‘what-ifs’ and consider how her life could be different in a variety of ways. Desires met, that dream job, dream date, etc. But with each of those changes, other changes balance out the good and the bad and create scenarios that sound like, ‘yes, this, but because of that your brother died early.’ Anyway, the moral of the book, at the end, all the chances of views into other lives burn down with this Midnight Library, all but one green book left aflame – the life she actually has.

The quitting of the podcast has been hard for my ego – it’s been very easy to feel like I’m not good enough for this video game reflection online space. By being jealous and comparative of others in the space, I become insecure in the work that I’m doing in it. I become insecure of the game experiences I’m having, worried that they’re not cool or relevant enough. And continually, I’m trying to say to myself:

Fuck that.

I wish it was that easy. This writing helps. Admitting it helps. Brene Brown in her book The Power of Vulnerability says ‘shame hates when we wrap words around it.’ So I think that’s my intention here. An attempt to put it to rest.

A combination of people have helped me consider a new approach:

authenticity

Although they also fall into the category of jealousy for me, Brenden Bigley and Stephen Hilger of Into the Aether, stated early in the year and continue to practice in their podcast that they want to ‘follow their whims’ and play the games they want to play. The other edge of the sword, especially in Brenden’s case, is that a lot of those games are new, fresh, and one’s he’s received early access to. Regardless, I remember Stephen stating to themselves and anyone making a thing in this space, to make it with authenticity.

My wife, who more than likely won’t read this but I thank nonetheless because I have had this talk of navigating where I fit into this video game space many times. Sadly, often through tears on my end. Her, and my therapist, encourage me to think about what my intention is with this practice. My therapist is very real, and reminds me that my work will drown in this space unless I am willing to go at it full-time and there’s no reality where that happens. My wife reminds me by asking if I want fame? Or do I want to simply share my passion with a select few that genuinely enjoy my content?

All this being said, here’s my authenticity

I am not in the video games industry. Would I love for that to magically happen? Yeah, I think I would, but work is always work. I have the luxury and freedom of doing this blog the way I want to, and should be grateful for that. When it becomes a chore, the passion can subside.

I am an Art Educator. It’s a very demanding job. I am new father. That is a very demanding responsibility.

I have to admit to myself that during the school year at least, it’s more difficult to keep up with games hyped in all of my favorite shows. So what I need to practice is either celebrating others when they get there first, or, if I feel triggered by it to where I am going to negatively compare myself, I need to not engage with the content until maybe I can afford to play the games discussed. This might sound simple for some, but it’s been tough for me.

I stopped the podcast because I would start to resent my son for getting in the way of my gaming time, and that’s a giant red flag. That’s priorities backwards. The podcast format feels very hot and on the beat of what’s new. Blog format feels more reflective and open to more – and sometimes deeper – subjects than just what the hot new video game is.

But where do I go from here?

I don’t want to stop supporting the shows I love, and I’m sure this post can look like an attack, but I hope it reads simply how my perception can feel when I can’t afford to fully participate in the space. And you watch, come June, I’ll be out of school for 2 months and I’ll get to pretend again like I do this full-time. I, then, am sure that I will participate in the playing of new and relevant games. And this writing will look like a big whiney mess.

I often seem to look for or need some sort of answer, so here it goes: I simply need to play what I want to play when I can afford to play it and fit games into my life. I need to be okay with not getting there first. I need to disengage with game hype if I feel like I cannot particpate in playing and afford to be a part of certain conversations. But most of all, and I’ve said this before in my “2025 Reflection” and writing is a good place for it to exist: no matter what, there is always a context.

What I mean by that is this. Whenever I may get to a game, play it, enjoy it, and decide to write about it, there will be a context in which I chose to play it, and there will be a context in which it fits into gaming culture at that time. A post I’m simultaneously working on covers NBA Street Vol. 2 in the context of finding it at a local video game resale store and revisiting it in 2026. There’s a story there. And in my opinion, one that might be more interesting in simply stating that Titanium Court is completely indescribable. Listen to Girl Mode‘s “Episode 169 – It’s Not That Complicated” if you’d like that theory debunked. Or what happens when you get a Switch 2 a year after launch and spend the first 1/3 of the year catching up with titles you didn’t get to play yet? That’s a context I can trust to find a story in. And I can hope it may be useful in some way to others.

And here’s my other thing, if 8 people read this and other posts, I need to continue to value that. It’s hard for numbers to look like people, but if I was able to sit in a room and have a conversation about video games with 8 people my heart would soar. Genuine engagement, over chasing relevancy and clout.

I need to be okay with being smaller in this space. That, or simply letting go of trying to sell myself or control how other people engage with my work. Sharing, yes. Selling, no.

I hope to be okay with not being the most relevant or hot bit of gaming content. Instead, I want to create genuine content from the perspective of a busy dude who loves video games and continues to find ways to fit them into his life. I want to be okay with being late, and valuing gameplay opinions of those that played before me – okay with adding to the conversation after others.

I want to give myself permission to be irrelevant, and tell my story. If you’re along for the ride, I sincerely thank you. It’s cool to connect in this way.

Thank you for reading,

Your Friend Dillon